happy

Love happiness and sadness, heartbroken. Torn between love and hate that’s what I create. Walking in pain not shame, no one can fell my love for others or feel how happy I get. When I see people filled with joy. When do you know if you heart has been broken? How can you tell? I thought there was a spell put on me because I felt so lonely. I walk around with love happiness sadness and heart in pieces, im a wreck full of emotion.

memoir

Happy Birthday to you my family was singing to me. I was 15 years old that day the happiest day of my life.

I was no longer Abrienna the baby; I was abrienna the teenage girl.

I was going to be a freshman at Jupiter high, boy was I excited.
I lived in a nice suburb in Jupiter Florida. My house looked like sweet cinnamon; the door was as white as white chocolate.

My stairs were curvy and high up.

Windows covered with a beautiful African curtain.

My house smelled like the scent of a new car; I loved it.

But I prayed to god that I would love my school just as much.

I remember when I went to check the mail they had sent me an open house invitation and I was ecstatic.

I really didn’t know how to react to going to a new school and having a new home at the same time.






When I woke up that morning I had butterflies in my stomach like never before to the point where I couldn’t even think about food.


As I got ready for a new school year I couldn’t help but blush at the thought of being around a parade full of guys.

I admit guys were my main priority especially high school guys.

But when that moment came I was fidgety because today was the day I could shine as the cutest freshman at the school.

Which so far it was working all I was getting was stares from football players checking me out I felt great.


As I looked around all I would see was cliques like never before. You have the geeks, preps, ghetto people the whites would say and Goths and jocks.

It was beautiful for I would become friends with all cliques but the clique I belonged to was the ghetto group.


Just as I thought my life couldn’t get any better I seen the finest boy in school. I was never shy but I couldn’t walk over there by him alone.

So I started to ask people around his name and what grade he was in.


But soon enough he started to notice me and he would tell everyone how he was going to talk to me and that he did.


We were becoming more than friends but there was one little problem he had a girlfriend.


At first it got to me but then I brushed it off like it didn’t matter.


His name was Jermaine Tindale; he was 17 and the flyest boy at Jupiter high.

He was 5”7”; he had mocha chocolate skin and he was built like a football player.


We had gym together and that was the first time in my life that I really liked a boy as much as I liked him, but it made me question why he wouldn’t leave his girlfriend and date me.

I would always ask and his main response was he aint know. Usually that would piss a girl off but I kept going back for more.


Then he started to ask me questions involving sex; which nearly all the boys in high school were sexually active.

Ever since middle school boys wanted to know if I was a virgin.


I never answered the question then but when he asked I told him I was and to him it was icing on the cake to be messin with a younger pretty girl who was also a virgin.


Now I never agreed to have sex until he asked me and I was more nervous than scared.



Only because I thought I could handle anything life throws at me. Man was I wrong.

When that day came of losing my innocence I freaked out because I always wanted to wait for the one.

I thought he was my one but then my best friend Chrissy which happened to be his little sister told me that his girlfriend was coming back to school soon.

Now I wasn’t t scared I was trying to change my ways and put the violence behind me.


The more they talked about her the more I wanted to beat her ass.


Even though I only stood at 5”3, I thought I was the baddest bitch at Jupiter high.



Then the day came and as everyone pointed me out to her I realized that she looked just like a whale.

So that boosted my head more to know that she was as fat as I imagined her.

As she walked toward me she asked if my name was abrienna and I responded yea that’s me why you wanna know as mean as I could be.

Then she said I was just asking and she walked away now I knew I was bad especially if she walked away after asking who I was.


I felt on top of the world until I started to get sick to my stomach and everyone wanted to justify what was wrong with me but then a girl they called black told me Jermaine had gave her Stds.

I was devastated because how could someone so sweet be so dirty.


So I had no choice but to tell my parents that I needed to go to the clinic.


Walking around there made me sick because they were people all around me getting checked.


Finally it was my turn my mamma didn’t come in with me but she was just as nervous.


After they were down they told me something I never thought I would hear.

You are clean as a whistle the doctor said

I went home and I couldn’t believe that I was okay.

I was happy and you couldn’t tell me anything

Even though my daddy was mad at me I felt better about myself.

When I went to school the next day I was confident but I felt different.

I didn’t know how to confront him so I just left him alone.

I felt a relieve about what happen between me and Jermaine.







But as I matured I grew to know that I am better than all my mistakes I made in my life.


I am no longer that pretty girl with a cute body.

I am the girl that overcame many obstacles in life by herself.

I can walk around knowing that I will be just fine as I continue on my journey on becoming a woman.

I don’t have to walk in my past I can keep moving forward.

Even though I haven’t changed my habits of doing things without thinking I know that everything takes time.

I believe as I get older I will educate girls that are going through being rebellious and having sex with multiple people.

I want to give them the opportunity to change what they think they have to do to be a certain person they know they aren’t.

I believe that if I step up and encourage girls to wait for the right person and to know that if the boy they are messing with doesn’t give a damn where the end up.

I can pat myself on the back if I speak out about diseases.

I know now that I have to change myself as much as the next person but I can honestly say that I have overcome the most dangerous part of life by living through a painful time in my life.

It wasn’t the best time in my life but im glad that I went through it.

It makes me who I am today, the strong willed girl.

I don’t take shit from nobody, and I won’t take anything from anybody.

I believe that me coming to telluride was meant to be I don’t regret anything because everything I do makes me a better person.

I want to share my story but at the same time I don’t want to get pity because everybody is going to go through something in their life that is going to shape it.

No one is perfect and everyone is going to make a couple of mistakes.

But you have to make sure you learn from them and to not repeat your mistakes.

The time I spent by myself I realized that I always valued having time you wisely.

I value the love that people have for me because I know that I do have supporters, even when I have done wrong.

I will never doubt my way of change I have conquered the life of good and bad.

So as I grow I will always remember the boy who I thought I loved and loved me back I believe that he shaped who I am today I will never know what would have happened if I never met Jermaine Tindale.

I learned my lesson to never listen to a slick talking boy because most likely he wants to use you in the best way he can then pass you off to a friend.

me

Cute as a button they would say, but as fierce as a lion as a 3 year old girl. I started kindergarten as a little Pocahontas they would say. I was so small that if I knocked on a door they would look to the floor at me. I remember the first time I went to school I was shy but sweet but if you tempted me you would regret it. I was always a spoiled brat and no one ever tried me as a little girl or now I was really a smart girl. But it was one particular moment that sticks out like a sore thumb. This girl came up to me and told me my hair was to long I dint know back then that she was jealous so that same day I caught a hold of her pretty blonde ponytail and cut it with zigzag scissors.

the lake

The lake

I spot a lake that flows like the sky expect its no water inside.
The lake goes whoosh when there is a breezy day.
The man walks by the lake almost everyday.
Then a little girl tried to figure out what he was doing.
She lived by the lake and she always seen the little old man.
But one afternoon she decided to ask him why he was always around the lake.
He stared into her baby blue eyes and replied let me tell you a story little girl.
Once upon time there was a prince who had a castle by this very lake.
It was a so high it almost touched the sky.
He had many servants and he had chefs for every hour.
His room was so big; he loved animals so he had a bunch of dogs sleep with him.
But one day he figured out that he wasn’t happy with his life he needed a wife.
So he had put out a numerous amounts of flyers about a ball he was going to have at his castle. Mr. the little girl said do you know this prince? My child listen the old man said.
The prince started to wonder if he would ever find his true love.
He was getting prepared for the ball when he spotted this beautiful girl with blonde hair and blue eyes as shiny as the sky. He was walking towards her and she disappeared.
So he shook his head and prepared to host all the lovely guests that were going to arrive.
Good evening my dear prince everyone who entered the room would say.
The prince couldn’t stop thinking about the one girl he seen today so he searched high and low for the girl that he seen by the lake. But she was nowhere in sight he wanted to know who she was. So he sent out and told his best servant to find the girl so he described her and the servant was on the job. The servant went left he went right but she was nowhere in sight. He climbed trees and mountains. He even asked the honey bees where she could be. They shook their heads for they didn’t know who he was talking about. Then all of sudden the servant spotted a blue house that resembled cotton candy.
He gently knocked and someone peaked through the blinds and rushed to open the door.
It was an older woman with hair down to her back she was only 4”0 feet tall.
She had a voice softer than a mouse. Hi sir how may I help you on this lovely night?
Can you tell me how to find this girl for my prince? Of course sir the old woman replied what does she look like she asked with a smile. Well the prince told me that she has long blonde hair and bright blue eyes like the sky. Well I might know of a girl but she is a very special girl. She is not only a girl she turns into a mermaid when she is in the lake. Wow he says is the lake magical? No one knows she says with grins that just know that Isabella turns into a mermaid when she goes swimming. So that is probably where the prince seen her. He did the servant said with eyes sparkling. So can you tell me where this lovely lady lives? Of course she lives where all the beautiful plants are you can’t miss it. Her house is red and gold just a couple minutes away from here, good luck the old woman yelled as he walked away on his search for Isabella. So as he walked and walked, he found the plants and the red and gold house. So he walked up to her front door and knocked just like before at the old woman’s house. She came to the door and he couldn’t believe his eyes. Are you Isabella? Yes I am she said with voice as sweet as birds singing. How can I help you she said? The prince spotted you by the lake and he was wondering if you would want to join us at his royal ball. Sure she replied her face lit up I have always wanted to meet the prince. Okay perfect then you will come with me my child. So the walked back to the princes castle and she entered the ball and all eyes were in a gaze when they seen her walk in. the prince seen her and smiled there she is he whispered to himself. As he walked towards her she couldn’t help but notice the smile on his face. She was smiling but she didn’t understand why the prince wanted her. So as he walked by he just realized what he was going to say to this beautiful lady. May I have this dance my lady the prince asked? Of course you may she said with a smile.
So they danced and danced the night away. The prince and Isabella talked for hours and hours until they fell asleep. The next day they woke up side by side and they were happy as they could be. So they had a big breakfast and took a stroll down by the river.
They always had a great time when they were together. They never wanted to leave each others side but there was one scary day in the town. A witch by the name of medusa was haunting the town and she locked up Isabella. The witch had cursed her when she was a child. The prince didn’t know about the curse until he couldn’t find her. The witch locked her up because with the curse Isabella would never be normal.The prince was very sad. He cried himself to sleep and always looked sad and gloomy. Mr. Mr. what happened to Isabella the little girl asked very concerned. Little one listen to the story the old man said shaking his head and smiling. So he walked around his castle and complained and complained. What am I going to do he asked himself with a droopy face. For years he tried to figure out where the witch had here hidden. He never found her but one day he went to look at the lake and he seen a beautiful image and It was Isabella her jumped in and kissed her and broke the curse. She was free and he never frowned again. They lived happily ever after had plenty of kids and grew old together. Forever their love lived on. So when the girl figured out the story she realized that the old man was the prince and he was talking about his wife.

you

The sweet smell of your skin the smell of axe cologne, your hair as dark as night, the thought of you being mine just arouses my soul body and mine. Your kisses soft lie flowers and your touch as warm as hot chocolate on a cold night. Your eyes say you want me your hands declare you need me. The passion we have can never be replaced; it’s strong like a bodybuilder, and as gentle as a bird. You are my air and I am your wind on a cloudy day. Passion is what we have and I can’t let you go. I won’t let you drift in the distance. Its not love its just a lust that I cant let go.

love

Love

Love is sweet like a honey bee, gentle like a bird.
It can be love for a dog or a boyfriend.
A soul mate that you never let go.
Love is passion in your soul.
The air that you breathe for that one person
It’s a word that can mean a million of things.
You can say everything sweet about love but can you mean it.Love is an emotion most people can’t show so what is true love?


Not only did they connect they wanted to dance all night so they did.
They held each other until they fell asleep.

ode to pain

Ode to pain

My mom is gone I can’t bring her back.
I wonder if I blink will she appear, smelling as sweet as peaches. Will she hold me and say she will never leave me again. I live in a world of dreams that I can’t change. The way I feel or how I talk when people are near and they complain about how their moms act. Not knowing I have a pain that makes me want to hurt others. I have no feelings, im numb from head to toe. I tried to keep things inside not letting people know how I feel. You can’t hear my thoughts and you won’t hear me speak to you nicely or give you compliments. Why should I? Im done with people who want to judge me, for they don’t know me. Just leave me alone or I will scream. I get tempted to bust people in the face. I go crazy when people talk about things that are not important you don’t know my pain. The pain I have had for ever the thought that im shaped like her and that my hair is like hers. I swallow my pain hold things in without thinking about how it will affect me.